it's been a while..

my, my... it's been quite a while since my last post, hasn't it? it's been quite a while too since things seemed right. i can't honestly say i'm the same person since the last time i posted anything or since the last time i remember things felt right.

i feel so terrible now. i wish i could shout out what i'm feeling at the top of my lungs... but i can't. describing how i feel is beyond what i'm capable of now. i simply have not been blessed with the vocabulary for it. it's like frustration but worse. it's like exhaustion yet mixed with boredom or hopelessness. it's like overwhelming grief but it's all hidden in me. it's like dying but still feeling restless. aarrrggh.

it's like nothing i've ever felt before.